Post Game: Mystery Men
Posted by GravediggerHebner on 4:47pm, Sunday July 5th 2009
Meet the Mets
On many levels the Mets are Mystery Men. On one level a casual fan of baseball looks at a box score and asks their more baseball-savvy friend “who are these guys?” On another level the Mets are indeed a dysfunctional group of unlikely heroes with attributes that are at best questionable considering their task, winning baseball games.
The Blue Raja
First there is “The Blue Raja,” who hurls silverware at his foes but refuses to throw knives because “you can’t try and stop a crime by committing an even worse one.” Recently Johan Santana has taken the Raja’s mantra to heart, as he has stopped striking people out.
Mr. Furious
Next there is “Mr. Furious,” who unleashes tremendous strength when angry, but seldom finds himself upset about anything. David Wright might perhaps benefit from getting a bit angry.
The Shoveler
Next there is “The Shoveler,” who is able to use a shovel in a marvelous variety of ways. I have heard that Brian Schneider is quite capable with a shovel. Unfortunately he can’t bring one to the batter’s box.
The Spleen
Next there is “The Spleen,” who with properly aimed flatulence can knock out any foe, but most of the time he just stinks. Luis Castillo anyone?
Invisible Boy
Then there is “Invisible Boy,” who can become invisible but reportedly only when no one is looking. He pretty much sums up everyone on the disabled list, because as much as I try to imagine them in the lineup I just can’t see them.
The Bowler
Lastly there is “The Bowler,” who has a bowling ball which contains the spirit of her deceased father and when she communicates with his spirit and throws the ball it will fly a short distance. David Wright leads the team with 12 errors so he could be The Bowler, but he’s already Mr. Furious so The Bowler will have to be Daniel Murphy who is second on the team with 7 errors.
So today the New York Mystery Men sent The Blue Raja to the mound against the Philadelphia Phillies. Without any knives to throw, Raja struck out only 3 Phillies while allowing them to hit 2 solo home runs, 1 each by Jimmy Rollins and Chase Utley. Raja allowed only those 2 runs on 3 hits over 7 innings, but with an offense backing up Raja comprised of The Shoveler, Mr. Furious, The Spleen and Invisible Boy, 2 runs was enough for Philadelphia.
The Shoveler was wholly inept, never getting the ball out of the infield in 3 at bats, perhaps because he couldn’t use a shovel.
Mr. Furious exhibited tremendous calm, striking out twice and grounding into a 4-6-3 double play with the bases loaded in the 6th inning to end the Mystery Men’s only real threat.
The Spleen reached base every time up but the odor emitted by his 2 singles and a walk was simply not powerful enough to repel the Phillies.
The Bowler managed not to throw anything away today, but merely doing his job wasn’t enough.
The Invisible Man was not evident throughout the lineup. You especially couldn’t see him at 1B, SS and CF.
Visit yahoo.com for the box score.
Great job, Grave. I am… The Vomitter, because I vomit uncontrollably when I see this team play.
yes, grave. well done. i am the ostrich because whenever the mets get a man on base, i bury my head in the sand.
BTW, I saw Hank Azaria at a diner in downtown Manhattan last yr. Me and my coworkers who can be a little “rowdy” scared him off. I am ashamed.
Great post. Love that movie, very underrated flick. I guess I’m Mr. 20 Years in the Future, because that may be the time we see our Mets win a championship again.
I think it is time to part ways with Omar Minaya and the entire front office (that includes Bernazard). Jerry will have to go at the end of the season and I think it is time that we make wholesale changes. Unfortunately, we’re stuck with Ollie and Luis, but we need to part ways with Schneider and Delgado. We should look into the possibility of trading Church. We need to trade Murphy (he does not fit on this team, frankly I’m not sure he fits on any team) and we need to go get a true #2. Of course a lot of issues could have been dealt with this offseason, but upper management refused. We could have gotten away from Jerry and Ollie, brought in Derek Lowe and Bobby Abreu. I’m not saying Abreu is great, but he is light years ahead of Murphy. If that same management hadn’t committed 4 years to Castillo there’s a good chance we could have had Orlando Hudson on this team as well. You make the call:
Minaya (with Jerry managing) vs. what should’ve been done:
Reyes, SS—————————-Reyes, SS
Murphy, LF—————————Abreu, LF
Beltran, CF————————–Beltran, CF
Delgado, 1B————————–Delgado, 1B
Wright, 3B—————————Wright, 3B
Santos, C—————————-Church, RF
Church, RF—————————Hudson, 2B
Castillo, 2B————————-Flores, C
Santana——————————Santana
Pelfrey——————————Lowe
Maine——————————–Pelfrey
Perez——————————–Maine
Hernandez—————————-Hernandez
K-Rod——————————–K-Rod
Putz———————————Putz
Parnell——————————Beimel
Feliciano—————————-Feliciano
Stokes——————————-Parnell
Green——————————–Stokes
Muniz——————————–Nieve
Cora———————————Castillo
Sheffield—————————-Sheffield
Reed———————————Baldelli
Tatis——————————–Murphy
Schneider—————————-Santos
With that lineup I’m assuming that Minaya is sane and gets Castillo on a cheaper two year deal, and can get at least one more strong bat for the bench, I also assume he didn’t let Flores go.
Honestly, you had me at “I think it is time to part ways with Omar Minaya and the entire front office (that includes Bernazard).”
You can play games like this if you want but I think they are terrible. One move always changes another move. Not to mention you act like Omar did not have strict budget guidelines as well.
The problem is 2010 is not going to be any easier.The phillies will have better pitching the !raves will have better hitting the marlins will improve as well these teams are all 2 peces from being very good teams and next year you have to believe that there needs will be adressed the mets will need at least 4 pieces in a starting pitcher a 1st basemen a left feilder a catcher and a better 2nd basemenbots 2010 aint going to be much rosier.
does that make me and kingman zan and jana?
lol I’ve always thought of Fred and Jeff Wilpon as “Tweedledum and Tweedledee.”